Leading up to a meltdown

Many parents of children with autism or similar disorders know exactly what a meltdown is.
Well I am an adult with few ways to recognise when one is coming on. My meltdowns often come on fast. Like a drag race starting. It is very had to pinpoint what may have triggered the meltdown.  Here it comes, the meltdown, emotions inside will twirl around wrapping up each sadness, anger, confusion, and discontent. They are all now wrapped around each other so tight it is as if it will snap at any moment.  Feeling the anticipation of the meltdown I try to clean hoping I can come back down.  When I let my guard down....POW!! There it goes!

Days 9-12

Day 9: A favorite picture of your best friend.

Well I must say that I have really no best friends to date.  I had a best friend in high school but none since.  

Day 10: Something you’re afraid of.

Fear  itself I don't seem to have much of.  I guess my biggest fear would be heights.  I am afraid of falling so I guess that would only make sense. I do however get freaked out over a silly little spider...lol I don't think it is fear however rather they are creepy and gross to me.  So I squish them.

Day 11: A quote you love

I have so many quotes that I really love, so it is hard to name only one.  Some of my favorites are:

"All because two people fell in love"

"Be the change you want to see in the world"

"Choose a job that you love and you will never have to work a day in your life"

"May you follow your dreams and always believe in yourself!  Keep your eye on the stars and hope in your heart"

"Your life is what your thoughts make it"

"Live as if you were to die tomorrow, Learn as if you were to live forever"

Day 12: Something you don’t leave the house without

My "woobie"

Many of you who don't really know me will have no idea what this is.  However for those who do really know me they know exactly what it is.

Day 8: A place you’ve traveled to and where else you want to travel

As far as a place that I have traveled to my favorite was to Utah.  The whole family traveled to Utah to see the Salt Lake City Temple.  It was amazing.  Much more beautiful than a picture shows.  It was truly breathtaking.  We saw many things around Temple Square.  I would love to go back.

There are so many places I would like to go.  I have never really "traveled".  I really want to go see Mount Rushmore.  That will hopefully be done this summer. 

If I had the money I want to travel to Egypt with my husband.  The sights look amazing, as well as the history. 

I would enjoy a trip to Scotland.  Most of my ancestors are from there.  The lush green fields and intricate works of the castles I am truly amazed by. 

I wouldn't object to a trip to Australia.  I am intrigued by all the wildlife there.  I especially want to see the Australia  Zoo.   http://www.australiazoo.com.au/

Going to Africa would be a journey.  I want to do something to help the children there.  Going on a safari to see all the wildlife would be an adventure I would love.

Lastly I want to go to Alaska.  As you know by now I love the snow.  I want to see the glaciers, the wildlife and enjoy the cold.  I would like to try a dog sled ride.

 Doing all of these things is something I do want to do before I die!

Day 7: What makes you happy

I am happy most of the time.  I enjoy being around family and doing things together.  I am happiest when it is snowing or there is snow on the ground.  I enjoy buying things for my kids.  Whether it is a new article of clothing, a toy or a surprise sundae I am happy making my kids happy.  I am happy when I feel like I have accomplished something no matter how big or small it is.

Overall I am always happy!  Sometimes it just doesn't show on the outside.

Day 6: Pet Peeves

Wow Pet Peeves

OCD or type A personality can be a pain.

1.  Cabinets being left open!  This to me makes no sense.  Why open a cabinet to get something but not shut it?!
2.  Long stories or extra detail...just get to the point already!
3. Fake people
4. Being late or others being late.  When you say you are going to be there..be there!
5. Excuses...Just be accountable and move on.
6. The past mistakes or decisions being thrown in my face.

Day 5: What song inspires you

This song says it all.  Through all that I have been through in my life and until current day, this song help me to keep on going!

The Climb

I can almost see it
That dream I am dreaming
But there's a voice inside my head saying
"You'll never reach it"

Every step I'm taking
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking

But I gotta keep trying
Gotta keep my head held high

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb

The struggles I'm facing
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes might knock me down
But no, I'm not breaking

I may not know it
But these are the moments that
I'm gonna remember most, yeah
Just gotta keep going

And I, I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on

'Cause there's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb, yeah!

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Somebody's gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb, yeah!

Keep on moving, keep climbing
Keep the faith, baby
It's all about, it's all about the climb
Keep the faith, keep your faith, whoa

Day 4: Your parents- Mother

My Mother was a teen mother as well.  while I have no memories of being an infant, she looked so happy to be a mother.  Every photo we have of her holding me she is so happy and smiling.  I was a difficult child growing up.  I sure tested her patience.  Although I was not diagnosed until I was 22 with Aspergers, it is believed that I had this all my childhood.  During those years however there was not much knowledge into Autism. 

Mother and I were always close.  She was always there for me to talk to.  She often worked 2 jobs just to pay bills and provide for us.  She was getting no child support from my Dad so she had to do it all on her own.  I still remember how hard she always worked.  I enjoyed spending time with my Mother coloring and doing jigsaw puzzles together.  Something we still do to this day.  Over the years we have gotten closer .  She was there for the birth of all my children.  She has been blessed with seven grandchildren.

Over the last 4 years has been a real struggle for my Mother.  She was diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer.  She has two tumors the size of an orange and the other a grapefruit.  Things happened so fast and she was rushed into surgery.  At this time I lived in Idaho and she in Colorado.  I flew out immediately to be by her side.  I wouldn't have it any other way.  Prior to surgery on of the tumors had ruptured.  This "spilled" the cancer all into her abdomen.  She recovered very well after surgery and was up on her feet much sooner than expected.  Everything was looking great.  It wasn't long after surgery that she would start chemo.  Chemo went really well.  She had no nausea or vomiting.  She had good days full of energy and others that  required her to rest.  Six months later it was found through a mammogram that she had a tumor in her breast.  After a biopsy confirmed it was cancer she was in for radiation.  She did this everyday for  several weeks.  After the cancer scares back to back I knew I needed to go home.  We moved the whole family to Colorado to be close.

After we moved to Colorado it wasn't long before the Ovarian Cancer came back.  Once again she did chemotherapy.  This was suspected to happen since genetic testing proved she had a gene mutation believed to be causing the cancer.  Again she endured the chemo therapy.  This round was much harder on her body.  She developed an allergic reaction to the chemo drug that was used in the previous treatment.  Chemo was stopped and a new drug started.  Then to our surprise she developed blood clots in her lungs.  She was put into the hospital and again the chemo was delayed.  However she bounced back and finished chemo.  Unfortunately we have learned that the cancer is back once again.  This time only 6 months since the last chemo.  No treatment at this time until it is known where the tumor is growing.

My Mother has been so brave and strong during all of this.  When it seems like it is too much for someone to endure she proves her strength and keeps going.  I admire her so much.  Although I know that Cancer will take her from me as well, I will be by her side until then.  She has been an amazing Mother always trying to do her best.  She has successfully  raised two beautiful daughters who have become more than she ever imagined.